Hey Miaka What's a 'Christmas?
by Navale
Summary: When Miaka brings up Christmas, the Suzaku Seishi decide to celebrate the foreign holiday with their Miko. Unfortunately, none of them really know what a 'Christmas' is....
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. They are property of the goddess Yuu Watase herself. Yet I thank her for her unknown use of her characters in my story line. I'm broke. Don't sue me. *sob*.  
  
Hey Miaka. What's a 'Christmas'?  
  
It was a nice quiet December day in Konan palace, and all things were going quit well.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Well, except for that. You see, for 'that' is a very excited Miaka, and when Miaka gets excited, well.. You know. And as we finish 'that', the real 'that' came running around the corner, waving an American calendar in her hand.  
  
"Tamahomeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Hotohoriiii! Nurikoooo! Chichiriiiiii! Tasukiiiii! Mitsukakeee! Chirikoooooooo! Come here you guys! Guess what guess what!!!! Tamahome!" shouted the overly happy girl, making her way into a room that just coincidentally contained all seven frightened seishi.  
  
"Miaka! What's wrong!? Did someone try to rape you again?"  
  
"Did Yui once again claim her hatred for you?"  
  
"Has the kitchen closed no da?"  
  
"Did Tamahome-san break up with you again?"  
  
"Oh no! You're not pregnant, are you!?"  
  
"WHAT? WHY WOULD SHE BE F***ING PREGNANT TAMAHOME!?"  
  
"Never mind. Wrong story line."  
  
"Hold on everyone," cried the excited Miko, "look at this!" holding out the calendar in their faces, she smiled quite triumphantly for a gluttonous heroine. But of course, even though she was the heroine, she had her moments where she made no sense to her seishi. This was one of them. Clearing his throat, Nuriko spoke out first. How brave.  
  
"Uh.. Miaka, what is it?"  
  
"It's a Calendar! Look what day it is! LOOK LOOK!"  
  
Eyeing the foreign object suspiciously, Chiriko took it into his hands.  
  
"Why, today is the 19th of December." He stated.  
  
"YUP!" screamed Miaka, as all her seishi shrank back in fear.  
  
"Uh. so?"  
  
"That means it's only six days till Christmas!!!!!" And there she goes confusing her seishi again.  
  
"Hey Miaka. what's a 'Christmas'?  
  
Her eyes went wide.  
  
".. And that's what Christmas is!" She finished. All around her sat her seishi, in different states of awe. Tamahome was asleep. Hotohori was sparkling as usual. Nuriko was cackling like a pervert. Chichiri had his head in Miaka's lap, sighing about how wonderful it sounded. Tasuki was asleep on top of Tamahome, his elbow digging into his head, and snoring. Mitsukake was looking warily at Nuriko. And Chiriko. dear innocent Chiriko was raving around the room about reindeer not being able to fly. All in all it was a Kodak moment.  
  
"Oh how I wish we could have a Christmas celebration just like I described." Sighed Miaka.  
  
"Daaaaaaa." Sighed Chichiri along with her. Hotohori stood, sparkles and all, and walked over to Miaka, stepping on Tamahome and Tasuki on the way.  
  
"Then we will. I would do anything for you Miaka." Grasping her hand tighter, he turned to the rest of the seishi.  
  
"Everyone! Wake up! We are going to prepare a Chriswasp for Miaka!"  
  
"Hotohori, it's ChristMAS, not wasp."  
  
"*ahem* Right. That. We are going to celebrate Miaka's strange foreign holiday!"  
  
Hearing the emperor of Konan speak out, most of them actually did get up and listen to him.  
  
"I shall be in charge of the planning, along with Miaka. Tamahome! You will be in charge of getting a Trystmas tree! Mitsukake and Chiriko, you two will be in charge of the Spitmas feast! Tasuki, Chichiri, and Nuriko shall work on decorations! Now everyone, snap to it! We only have six days!" And with that, the six other seishi filed groggily out of the room, whining about their duties. Left behind was Nuriko, who was still cackling, and an overjoyed - yet skeptical - Miaka.  
  
"Christmas.. Hotohori." she said, a feeling of stupidity washing over her for no apparent reason. o_O 


	2. Day 1

DAY 1- December 20  
  
"How am I supposed to find a pine tree in Konan. Hell, I don't even know what a pine tree is!" whined Tamahome, making his way through the busy streets of the city. Suddenly he spotted a shop called 'Mr. Wong's weirdo trees'.  
  
"Aha! I bet he'll have one! Hey Mr. Wong, got any pine trees?" An old man of about seventy peered at Tamahome, a small hat that resembled a tree atop his head.  
  
"We no have pen tree. You want banana tree? Or cocoa tree? We's a got bamboo tree. You want that?" asked the man. Walking round the shop, Tamahome stopped at one very peculiar looking tree.  
  
"Ooh. what's this?" he asked, running his fingers over the watery leaves.  
  
"Oh sir, that very tragic story. That Nannichuan tree. Legend say that anyone who fall out of one-"  
  
"Never mind."  
  
  
  
Walking in quite a frightened manner, Chiriko and Mitsukake slowly made their way towards the kitchen. The large arching entry to the kitchen seemed like large fangs ready to purge the souls of all who entered, sending them to the seventh circle of Hel- Oh. wait. No. It was all safe. Or so it seeeeemed..  
  
"Mitsukake-san. how are we supposed to make the things Miaka told us about. Turkeys aren't even native to Konan. And what's a Yam?" asked the youngest seishi. Entering the kitchen with a six-foot long list of food to make for Miaka's celebration, Mitsukake turned and replied,  
  
"I don't know. We shall be creative. With my knowledge of herbs, and your overall intelligence, I'm sure we can conjure up something that resembles a pumpkin spy and a hashed tomato."  
  
"Ano. I think that's pumpkin PIE and mashed potatoes."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"Obviously a doctor of your stature wouldn't be familiar with such high class things as PIE."  
  
"Don't make me lay the smack down on you, shrimpy."  
  
"Ooh since when did you become so feisty?"  
  
"You are pure, pure evil."  
  
"I know. [smirk]"  
  
  
  
"Daaaaaaaa! These lights Miaka brought from her world don't work no da!" lifting the lights to his eye, Chichiri once again shook them around, hoping they would light up like Miaka claimed they were supposed to.  
  
"Ne. Chichiri, maybe this makes them work." Said Nuriko, holding up the electrical plug that would turn the lights on. If they had electricity in ancient China that is.  
  
"So whaddya do with it?" asked the fiery haired bandit. Scratching his head, he snatched the plug from Nuriko, and began to bang it against the wall.  
  
"It's not workin! Hey Chichiri! Use yer magic to make it glow!"  
  
"Tasuki! I won't use my magic for such a thing no da! We can do this on our own! And I don't think that's how it works no da!" cried the magician, grabbing the plug away from Tasuki, and whapping him upside the head for good measure. Turning around, they both spotted Nuriko standing on a ladder, hanging up some kind of plant.  
  
"Yo Nuriko! Where'd ya get that?" asked Tasuki. Turning around slowly, Nuriko glared.  
  
"Miaka gave it to me. It's Mistletoe." Shaking his brain back into his head, Tasuki bothered to ask why.  
  
"What's it for?" asked Tasuki. Nuriko glared again, turning back to the mistletoe.  
  
"I'm not telling."  
  
  
  
"Miaka."  
  
"Hotohori.."  
  
"I've been waiting for this for a long time."  
  
"Don't worry. I'm finally ready. Let's just make sure the others don't find out about this."  
  
"They'll never find out, don't worry. It'll be just the two of us. Meet me in my chambers after everyone has gone to sleep."  
  
"Oh I will. I'm so excited! I can't wait!"  
  
"Oh. and Miaka?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Don't forget the you-know-what."  
  
"[giggle] I won't! It's too important! We need it!"  
  
"Good. [grin] This will be Drismess to remember.."  
  
"Hotohori. It's CHRISTMAS."  
  
O____o;  
  
To Be Continued in Chapter 3. Day 21!!!  
  
Will Tamahome be able to find a Christmas Tree? Will Chiriko and Mitsukake succeed in killing the turkey before each other? Will Tasuki ever understand anything? Will Chichiri discover electricity several hundred years too early? Will Nuriko get a Holiday kiss? And from WHOM!? Will Miaka be able to keep her secret with Hotohori!? And what exactly is going on between them!?!?! Will this stupid 'will etc' section ever cease!?!?! OH G*D THE HORROOOOR!!!!  
  
Stay tuned ^^ 


	3. Day 2

DAY 2- December 21  
  
"I can't believe it! There are no pine trees in Konan! This really blows!!!!" shouted Tamahome, trudging down a deserted alley with a dark cloud over his head. Literally. It was kinda following him around, raining wet sadness atop his fluffy little head. Anywho, stopping to bang his head against a brick wall, he began to whine. As usual.  
  
"[gasp]! If I can't please Miaka, then what kind of boyfriend am I?! If I fail her, then I might as well break up with her AGAIN to save her the pain of disappointment! Oh what a world!!!!!" He wailed, and with that, the estrogen filled Tamahome curled up in a ball and began to weep like a girl. As usual.  
  
  
  
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Put it out Chiriko, put it out!" [Fisssssssssssssssss]  
  
"Whew! That was a close one!" said Chiriko, wiping the sweat from his brow, and putting a black streak across his face in the process.  
  
"Good job Mitsukake-san! You almost burned down Konan palace! So much for your pecan pie attempt!" Mitsukake stood next to Chiriko, expressionless, burnt to a very very angry black crisp, and holding what was once supposedly a pie. It now looked like a dog bowl full of charred chex mix.  
  
"I do try. Really I do."  
  
"Eh?"  
  
  
  
"Daaaaaa! It fell down again no da!" cried a very irritated Chichiri, picking up the red bow that would just not stay on the wall. Turning from his mistletoe hanging, Nuriko addressed him.  
  
"So use magic." He turned back to hanging mistletoe, in hopes that he could catch Hotohori under it.  
  
"No!!! I refuse to use magic no da! I am perfectly capable of doing this on my own no da." Looking up from cutting out snowflakes like Miaka had shown him, Tasuki laughed.  
  
"So do it! And Nuriko! Stop hangin up that stuff unless yer gonna tell me why it's there!"  
  
"No way!" Standing up, Tasuki walked over, and stood right next to Nuriko, under the dreaded Mistletoe. Pointing up at the plant above him, he asked,  
  
"Why?" Nuriko turned quite pale, grabbed the Mistletoe from above them, and ran off in a panic.  
  
"Hey! Come back here! Don't run off like a pansy!"  
  
"DA! Stupid bow!"  
  
And once again a Christmas bow falls in the world. Luckily an elf didn't die this time. /phew/  
  
  
  
"So what do you think Miaka. will it fit in that way?"  
  
"Hm. why don't you try pushing a little harder. It should fit then."  
  
"Aha! There it goes!"  
  
"So Hotohori, can we do this again tomorrow?"  
  
"But of course! After all, what's better for our friends than a surprise such as this?"  
  
"But. what will Tamahome think?"  
  
"Don't worry about what he thinks Miaka. If you love it, then ignore him!"  
  
"Hotohori.."  
  
"Miaka."  
  
O___o;  
  
To Be Continued in Chapter 4. Day 22!!!  
  
Will the seishi be driven to madness by the foreign holiday that in no way fits into ancient china but I'm making it because it's completely ridiculous and a great way to make fun of all the beloved characters of FY who were so lovingly created by Yuu Watase and have a huge fan /coughcoughCULTcough/ following here in America even though hardly any of the fans can speak Japanese and aren't very familiar with the legends of Suzaku and Seiryuu and Byakko and Genbu!?!?!?!?!?!?! Coming next time! Another painfully stupid and grammatically incorrect pitch for the next chapter! OH G*D THE HORROOOOOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Stay tuned ^^ 


	4. Day 3

DAY 3- December 22  
  
They were all losing hope.  
  
After a whole day of hard Christmas labor, they were about to go to sleep when.  
  
"Waaahhh! I don't wanna go look for a tree ever again! Don't make me!" cried Tamahome, grasping tightly to Tasuki's leg. Tasuki had had just about enough of the crying Tamahome. He had been at it all day, and now Tasuki wanted to get rid of him to go to sleep. It wasn't working.  
  
"Get the f*** off me!"  
  
"Tasuki-san?" Chiriko peered into the room, slightly drowsy looking if I might say. The two quarreling teens stopped and looked up at the boy in the doorway.  
  
"Hey Chiriko! Use yer brain and get this jacka** off my leg!" Chiriko walked over to Tamahome, and using one finger, poked him in the neck. All of a sudden, Tamahome fell off Tasuki's leg, snoring like a baby.  
  
"Is that better?" Blinking, Tasuki threw the snoring Tamahome over his shoulder.  
  
"Hey thanks! Now help me take him back to his own room!" Heeding Tasuki's wishes, Chiriko picked up Tamahome's dragging feet, and they set off for Tamahome's room.  
  
  
  
In the Kitchen, Mitsukake snored away, face down in something that resembled cranberry sauce. Well. actually, it was green, but it still looked like cranberry sauce. Some breeding stock he turned out to be.  
  
  
  
In the dark halls of the palace stood Chichiri, lights strung all over him.  
  
"Why you F***ing Lights Why WON'T YOU WORK NO DA!!!!!!!" he screamed, his chi rising and causing the lights to float up around him dangerously. He wasn't happy. Anyone reminded of the song 'Death by Christmas Lights' here?  
  
  
  
"There! Now he's outta my hair! Thanks Chiriko!" Chiriko jumped up, clamping his hand over Tasuki's mouth.  
  
"Shhh! I hear something coming from Miaka's room! Let's check it out!" Sneaking up to Miaka's window, they could just make out two voices.  
  
"Miaka.. WOW."  
  
"Is it really that great?"  
  
"YES."  
  
"I'd hoped you like it! Wanna try another one?"  
  
"Oh Kami-sama yes!"  
  
Chiriko and Tasuki gaped. Running quickly around the corner back to Tasuki's room, they jumped onto the bed excitedly.  
  
"Chiriko! Do you know what this means!?"  
  
"Miaka-san is a two-timing whore?"  
  
"Yeah! I mean NO! She's havin an affair with the emperor!  
  
"Exactly!"  
  
"Um.. Should we tell Tamahome?"  
  
They both just smiled.  
  
"NAH!"  
  
  
  
Nuriko slept quietly in his room on a bed of mistletoe, an official emperor- of-Konan UFO catcher tucked under his arm. A bit of drool made its way out of his mouth as he giggled in his sleep. He was content with his dreams of Hotohori.  
  
That's the gay-boy for you.  
  
O___o;  
  
To Be Continued in Chapter 5. Day 23!!!  
  
Will the seishi get their act together? Will Tamahome finally get up the guts to find a real pine tree!? Will Tasuki and Chiriko ruin Miaka and Hotohori's surprise!? Will Chichiri cause the end of the world!? Will Mitsukake cook himself alive on accident!? Will Nuriko ever get over his obsession!? Will the author ever stop putting in this STUPID section!?!?!?!? Coming next time - a hopefully shorter and less stupid pitch! OH G*D THE HORROOOOOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Stay tuned ^^ 


	5. Day 4

DAY 4- December 23  
  
Walking down the street once again, Tamahome slumped against the nearest wall, a dejected sigh escaping from his mouth.  
  
"I'll never find a tree in time! I can't even find a tree shop!" Suddenly, right before him appeared a bizarre tree shop. Now thank me Tamahome.  
  
"THANK YOU!!!!!" cried the seishi, falling to his knees and bowing to his Master- er, Author.. Standing up, he ran into the store.  
  
"Hey, ya got any pine trees!?" he called, looking for an attendant.  
  
"Excuse me?" Tamahome turned, and as he did so, he spotted a small man, about the height of his knees, if not shorter.  
  
"Are ya looking for a pine tree sonny?" asked the man. Tamahome nodded vehemently, and crouched down to the man's level.  
  
"Do you have one!?"  
  
"As a matter of fact I do sonny. It'll cost you though."  
  
"Give it to me! I don't care!" Cried Tamahome, tears falling from his face from the happiness of finally accomplishing his task. Smiling, the old man took Tamahome's money, and pointed to the tree in a corner.  
  
"She's yours!" Tamahome looked over to the tree, and turned blue. Very blue. Smurf blue even.  
  
"Uh. that's a pine tree?"  
  
  
  
"There! A pumpkin pie! What do you think Chiriko?" Chiriko eyed the so- called 'pie' suspiciously.  
  
"Mitsukake-san, somehow I think you were supposed to take the seeds out of the pumpkin before you made a pie out of it.. But come look at my cranberry sauce!" Mitsukake walked away from his pie and over to Chiriko.  
  
"I hate you." Stated Mitsukake. In front of them was a perfectly concocted block of cranberry sauce, in the mold of a red peacock. Turning away, Mitsukake walked out of the room.  
  
"Is it something I did?" asked Chiriko. Mitsukake walked back in a moment later, a live chicken in hand. He handed it to Chiriko and patted his head.  
  
"If you're so great then make a perfectly roast chicken." And with that, he stormed out of the kitchen, leaving the confused Chiriko all alone.  
  
The chicken squawked.  
  
Well, not completely alone.  
  
  
  
"Da... Why didn't I do this earlier no da?" sighed Chichiri, pointing at walls and zapping decorations onto them. Tasuki looked up from making origami ornaments, and frowned.  
  
"Because you wouldn't listen to us!" Chichiri turned, glaring, and zapped a giant red bow onto Tasuki that sent him flying backwards into Nuriko. Right under the Mistletoe.  
  
"Hey ya wacko magician! Watch where ya zap those things!" cried Tasuki, trying desperately to get up off Nuriko. Nuriko's eyes went wide as he spotted the mistletoe above them.  
  
"NOT AGAIN!" screamed Nuriko, punching Tasuki off himself and far across the room.  
  
"Why can't Hotohori happen along conveniently!?" Pulling the last of the bow off himself, Tasuki grabbed Nuriko by the collar and slammed him against the wall, causing a bunch of mistletoe to fall atop Nuriko's head.  
  
"Whaddja ya hit me for!?" cried the bandit. Nuriko glared, pulled the mistletoe off his head, hit Tasuki into unconsciousness, and left.  
  
"DA! How nice!" coed Chichiri at the latest decoration he had made appear.  
  
Things were coming along beautifully.  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, Batman and Robin were- uh, no. Wait. Later that night.. yeah yeah, later that night Chiriko and Tasuki plotted evil things in Tasuki's room. Twiddling his fingers, Chiriko threw out his first idea.  
  
"Let's tell everyone."  
  
"Let's walk in on them with everyone!"  
  
"Ooh ooh! Let's walk in, then scare them by asking if we can join! When they pass out we'll bring everyone over to see!"  
  
"How about we do join in?"  
  
"I'm under aged, remember?"  
  
"Oh yeah."  
  
And then there was silence. Chiriko stopped twiddling his thumbs and stood.  
  
"Miaka should be sneaking into his room soon. Let's go check it out!" Smiling, Tasuki stood up, and together they snuck into the hall.  
  
"I think Miaka's leaving her room!" whispered Tasuki as the two crawled stealthily after Miaka.  
  
"Quick! Follow her!" whispered Chiriko. Miaka, wearing only the shirt from her school uniform, tiptoed quietly to Hotohori's room. She was unaware (Or so we think) of the two seishi following her. Turning back suddenly, she looked to see if anyone was following her. Tasuki and Chiriko jumped behind a corner as quickly as possible, landing hazardly on each other. Not seeing anyone, Miaka opened Hotohori's door and slipped in.  
  
"Did she see us?" Asked the bandit, peering around the corner at Hotohori's room, where they could make out the soft voices of Miaka and Hotohori whispering.  
  
"I don't think so. Let's get closer to see if we can hear anything." Said Chiriko, crawling towards the window with Tasuki close behind him. The whispering in the room halted, and then there was silence.  
  
"Do you think they're... uh..." asked Tasuki. As Chiriko was about to answer, the voices started again.  
  
"Oh Miaka, I can't wait any longer! Take it off!"  
  
"Calm down Ho-ri! We have all night!"  
  
"But I want you so bad!  
  
"And I want you! This is our moment, so please be gentle!"  
  
"I will Miaka, Oh I will!"  
  
"Take me Hotohori! Take me like a rabid wolf!"  
  
Upon hearing this, Tasuki turned green, and Chiriko tried to hold back his riotous laughter. Having had enough, the two crawled back to Tasuki's room.  
  
Back in Hotohori's room, Miaka and Hotohori laughed. A LOT.  
  
O___o;  
  
To Be Continued in Chapter 6. Day 24 : Christmas Eve!!!  
  
Will Tamahome finally reap the awards of his rigorous tree battle!?! Will Chichiri be the next to get caught under the mistletoe!? Will Nuriko and Tasuki finally be forced to share a kiss!?! (sick sick fanservice I tell ya..) Will Mitsukake ever forgive the chicken!? Will Chiriko be over- exposed to adult material!? AND WHAT ON EARTH ARE MIAKA AND HOTOHORI DOING!?!?!?! Coming next time - The second to last chapter of this epic yet horrifyingly comic adventure! OH G*D THE HORROOOOOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Stay tuned ^^ 


End file.
